"you are mdog"

this is what it tells me on the right hand side of the screen when i login.
it's really kind of... creepy.

i am mdog? really? and how do you know that for sure, o squarespace?

am i mdog? sometimes i wish i was. introspective, occasionally eloquent, good with words, plays well with others. it's a nice persona, really. but, it is only a persona... not the "whole" me. in the real world, i have to actually open my mouth. if you've ever spoken to me, you know that sometimes i jump ahead seventeen thoughts, and then proceed to give voice to the eighteenth thought without quite letting the audience in on my stream of consciousness. or that i say wrong things at particularly wrong times. and that i tell stories with way too much or way too little detail.

talking is not one of my strongest suits.

hence the blogging. some people work things out by talking them through with someone; i often seem to do better in the writing medium. though strangely enough, the journaling thing never really worked for me. a friend once encouraged me to journal; bought me one and everything. i did it for awhile. but i always just thought it was weird. my practical mind could not grasp the use of writing thoughts to myself, or worse still, an inanimate object. "what's the point?", i thought.

skip ahead a few years and with the advent of internet, maria aligns herself with an alter ego: mdog. a few folks called me that in college, but it never really caught on. i didn't want it then. now, i embrace it. signed up for a message board two years ago and had no idea what i wanted as my screenname. not my real name, not my im name... what to use then? with a few keystrokes and a click i was suddenly mdog. i liked the informational-yet-vague feeling of it all. and wouldn't you know, i found myself learning how to express thoughts by way of a keyboard and a message forum. very cathartic, actually.

i don't know what my point is anymore. just that i guess i am, indeed, mdog... but that's only part of the story.