community
i was going to title this entry "stolen", but community seems more apropos. the following is a comment i posted on a friend's blog.
i've been thinking about the topic all day, and i think the comment can
stand alone, so i decided to repost it here with minimal modification.
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friendship. i really like friendship. my family doesn't really connect well, emotionally; and so the deepest love i know this side of heaven is that of friends. i really can't express how much i value a true, solid friendship.
i've never been a person interested in getting to know a whole lot of people in any given place. 'if you can't go deep, why bother?' is sort of my attitude. other people have other outlooks, and that is totally cool. but for me, given a small handful -- heck, maybe even only one, or two -- deep, life-giving friendships in any given place, and you will find one content mdog. people that are willing to encourage me and walk with me and call me out when necessary and love me when i don't deserve it... this is where healing is found.
this [small college town] is a bad town to be in, in terms of the likelihood of people leaving my life. i remember saying at one point, "i'm not going to get to know anyone else, because they're just going to leave, anyway!" i said this jokingly, but i mean, seriously: doesn't it feel rational some days? i admit i sometimes decide to not get close to someone because i know they're only here for a defined period of time. i'm still not sure if that's a sign of cowardice, or self-preservation.
i've felt my fair share of abandonment. the end of 2003 and much of 2004 was not what i would call the best time of my life. much of my support system had either moved away or were otherwise unavailable to me. at some point i started getting connected with others again; but i had to make efforts, many of which took me out of my comfort zones. i'm an introvert through and through... but even introverts need community and connection. i know relationships aren't going to be handed to me on a silver platter: after any initial easy connections, they take a certain amount of maintenance and thought to stay healthy. sometimes i feel left out of things. i think we all do. and then sometimes you have to take charge of your life and find or create situations where you can be open and available to people. and it's not always easy. but it's usually good.
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any thoughts on the subject of friendship? unleash.
+++
friendship. i really like friendship. my family doesn't really connect well, emotionally; and so the deepest love i know this side of heaven is that of friends. i really can't express how much i value a true, solid friendship.
i've never been a person interested in getting to know a whole lot of people in any given place. 'if you can't go deep, why bother?' is sort of my attitude. other people have other outlooks, and that is totally cool. but for me, given a small handful -- heck, maybe even only one, or two -- deep, life-giving friendships in any given place, and you will find one content mdog. people that are willing to encourage me and walk with me and call me out when necessary and love me when i don't deserve it... this is where healing is found.
this [small college town] is a bad town to be in, in terms of the likelihood of people leaving my life. i remember saying at one point, "i'm not going to get to know anyone else, because they're just going to leave, anyway!" i said this jokingly, but i mean, seriously: doesn't it feel rational some days? i admit i sometimes decide to not get close to someone because i know they're only here for a defined period of time. i'm still not sure if that's a sign of cowardice, or self-preservation.
i've felt my fair share of abandonment. the end of 2003 and much of 2004 was not what i would call the best time of my life. much of my support system had either moved away or were otherwise unavailable to me. at some point i started getting connected with others again; but i had to make efforts, many of which took me out of my comfort zones. i'm an introvert through and through... but even introverts need community and connection. i know relationships aren't going to be handed to me on a silver platter: after any initial easy connections, they take a certain amount of maintenance and thought to stay healthy. sometimes i feel left out of things. i think we all do. and then sometimes you have to take charge of your life and find or create situations where you can be open and available to people. and it's not always easy. but it's usually good.
+++
any thoughts on the subject of friendship? unleash.
mdog
7 Comments
Reader Comments (7)
friends are incredibly important to me. i would likely consider my mother to be one of my best friends and family is tight (i only wish my little brother was in contact more). i'd like to think that i have scads of friends, but the ones who are really important to me number far fewer. maybe that's shallow of me; i don't know. or maybe i should be more selective in the semantics of friend vs. acquaintance.
there are friends you do stuff with, and friends you hang out with; and then, there are intimate friends, the ones with whom you can share anything. these -- these are the friends that sustain me.
i've never dealt with feelings of abandonment, but i have had friendships that, for one reason or another, have fallen by the wayside and are best left there. friendships with people who were not good for my overall well-being.
as i have aged, i have become more settled in who i am and who i want to become. i am more comfortable in my skin and don't look to others to define me or give me their approval.
as is inherent in my kind-hearted nature, i sometimes wonder how those people are. but most often i do not. have i grown cold? perhaps. have i grown up? yes. have i grown strong? definitely.
mdog, if you ever need to call me at 3am, you're more than welcome to. :)
yea, friends don't steal other friend's blogs! :O)
Can you steal a blog. By its very nature isn't a blog public domain?
As much as I love deep friendship, there is something exciting about a new friendship just being formed. I often think back to the early days of some of my closest friends and try to remember what it was like when I first met them. My impressions of them...them of me. I wish I had a life-long friend. In fact, I think my wife is the person I have known longest and am still close with!
technically, not public domain, no. [note website footer]. you write it, it's yours!
i do agree, there is something about new beginnings...
"The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, 'What? You too? I thought I was the only one,' -- it is then that Friendship is born." - C. S. Lewis