"mdog reminded us that all things are made new again. new year. new quarter. i really appreciate the freedom i feel in that. it's nice to remember that i don't have to be anything just because i once was."

- via liz [emphasis mine]

i'm referencing a blog that is referencing my blog. how's that for ego stroking? metablogging, if you will.

reinvention. it seems that whenever we move -- whether it be to new cities, houses, schools, jobs, or even just through time [happy new year!] -- we inevitably think something along the lines of, "well, we can start with a clean slate." it makes sense, really. who doesn't like a fresh start? new places, new people, new perspective. what better time to reinvent?

it sounds promising; refreshing. positive. if you're anything like me, though, there is sometimes more to it than moving towards a wide open future. the subtext behind the "clean slate" train of thought is that there is a certain amount of regret; perhaps some bad decisions or experiences. or the uneasy feeling that we could have done more, or better.

it's nice to remember that i don't have to be anything just because i once was.

a few months ago i had some realizations, things i discovered about myself that i wanted to change. i wanted to become more open, or maybe responsive is a better word. a little less reserved; a little more affectionate. more self-aware and others-aware, and more aware in general of how the two affect and relate to one another. less angry that what i do and what i say and how i look will always, always be taken into account before anyone even gets to the inside, and more accepting that this is just how things are. more comfortable with who i am, no matter how comfortable i feel already. i think i've done this to some small extent. not nearly as much as i would like... but it is a start.

i wonder what would happen if we would just start working on whatever it is we want to change about ourselves, whenever we get the thought or urge. we don't need to move, we don't need to change jobs, and we certainly don't need to wait until a shiny ball drops in times square.

what we once were is not what we have to be in the future. maybe we can begin to appreciate the freedom in that.